Loveless Series

Loveless Series: Two is better than one

If having two brains is better than one, then why is it so hard to figure that out in a relationship. You two were once two individuals and one day you two found each other and created a bond. To hold that bond each of you have to be equal and want to be equal. Sometimes in relationships that one person wants to make that bond unequal because they were thinking of themselves instead of each other. Has that happened to you or have you did that? Did you like the result? Did the bond come back together?

Sometimes the bond breaks because one person feels the need to run a stray or be the big man or woman in the relationship. If you wouldn’t like your partner doing it than you shouldn’t do it. Before you even do an act think twice and say to yourself. “What if _____ was doing this? I would be mad as hell.” If you don’t care what the other person is doing than that’s not a bond at all. If you do care about the other person you should know better.

I’m not saying our needs should come last when you’re in a relationship but both sides should be happy, understanding, and willing to compromise. If you aren’t happy, not understanding, and want it your way or no way then the only way to go is out that relationship. Yeah I said it OUT! Don’t make your life complicated if it doesn’t have to be. Being alone is stressful. Being in a relationship can be stressful. Being alone can be great. Being in a relationship can be great too. You just have to be willing to deal with things coming your way. Dealing means talk it out with that other person. Two brains are better than one when trying to solve a problem. Conversation is with two or more people. If you’re sitting and talking alone that doesn’t get you anywhere except for acting petty and fighting with issues that might not really be issues until you talk it out with someone.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: What is good timing?

Hi Aspirers! 

From my last post for the Loveless Series I spoke about pressure to be in a relationship or move forward in a relationship. In this post I want to talk about timing. I have one question to ask first. What is good timing? You want that guy to ask you to be his wife or girlfriend because you’ve waited so long for this. You want kids but you and your spouse feel like it’s not the right time because you both are just getting into your careers. Why can’t the timing be now? Why the excuses? Why not take a chance? Take that leap of faith to move forward in your life. Think of it as bettering yourself verses comparing the last mistakes. Out of no where today I started thinking about one guy from my past. He was set in his ways about the past and thinking I was going to do the same thing to him. His reason was he needed to make sure everything will be okay and it’s not going to turn out the same. Without giving me that chance he answered the question for himself and we ended because he couldn’t take the time with me and have faith that it will be different. Someone can show you all the signs of greatness but if you’re stuck, there will be no perfect time. You have to make the time. 

At the end of the day there isn’t a set time because every situatation is different. You’ll know when you’re ready and you’re not ready communicate with your partner instead of leaving them hanging. 

This was a short post but I hope everything I wrote was clear for you all. Stay tune for another post for the Loveless Series next Wednesday. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: Pressure

Hi Aspirers!

Why is it that people feel the need to hook people up? I’m not saying I haven’t done it but when I do I feel like being a matchmaker, I feel like the other person is a good match not just people they are there. 

I don’t know if it’s just me or are you feeling the pressure to get in relationship, get married, or have kids? Well I’m feeling it more than ever! Just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely. Yes it is cold outside and having someone to cuddle with is tempting but I’m looking for more than just a cuddle partner. If I don’t see more in you than it’s not going to be more. Those friends and family members that mentions “I have someone for you” but they have no idea what you’re looking for so instead of wasting everyone’s time the answer is no. At the end of the day do we even have a type because clearly the type we like clearly isn’t working out.

Thinking back to my parents and their parents by the time they were my age marriage and kids was already in the picture. Apparently it hasn’t been that easy for me. Not saying I don’t want that but it just hasn’t happened. Comparing myself to doesn’t help.

Q: Have you felt the pressure to get into a relationship or move forward in a relationship? (Leave a comment below)

I had a previous coworker who is younger than me and was married. The type of person I am I asked a lot of questions and one of them being why did you get married so soon. She said “we were pressured by our family and the church”. “We’ve been in a relationship for two years and living together”. In my mind I took it as if your church and your family didn’t get involved you two would just be boyfriend and girlfriend. I understand whispering in the ear and giving people a little push but if people are pressuring others to do something that they weren’t planning on doing wouldn’t that lead to disaster?

Q: Have you been pressured to do something and it didn’t go well? (Leave a comment below)

Time is important to me but at the same time we don’t know it’s a mistake until it goes wrong. We have to try to find out. For me that is tough because I hate wasting time because I feel like I wasted my time so many times and still haven’t got it right yet. The toughest pressure of all is putting pressure on myself when something goes wrong. Things happen and relationships fail. Most of us that put ourselves out there is hoping for something good to happen. I said most not all because there are people out there that try to put themselves into a relationship knowing darn well they just want to play the field (those are the people we want to avoid). Maybe to help with the pressure we take a deep breath and breathe. Then the pressure wouldn’t be so hard to deal with.

Until next time catch up on any post you’ve missed. Follow my blog if you haven’t already.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: What do you think? 

Instead of writing a new post this week I want to know what you think of the loveless series? Do you want this series to continue? What would you like to read about? What you want me to continue a conversation on previous posts. I want to know your thought. 

Email me your thoughts here or comment below. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: Maybe…

Hi Aspirers!

Growing up we probably heard this word used by our parents or guardians when we’re asking for something. We would cross our fingers hoping it’ll go our way. Tend on lending on that term and planning on not getting a no. The word I’m referring to is maybe.

Google


What happens when we’re use to that term in a relationship or leading into a relationship. We’re hoping for that maybe to turn into a yes. This term can also mean doubt such as “maybe we can see how this goes”. In our eyes we are hearing possibly the odds will be in our favor.

In yes or no situations why do we need to use maybe? It’s either yes or no. Are you meaning to say yes then why can’t you just say yes? Sometimes the answer maybe can be the worst response because the person on the receiving end will be in wonder just like when you see those three dots on the conversation screen when you’re texting someone. (Just say it already) Also we can start to think are they just trying to hold on to something and if we find out it’s not going in our favor we’re pack our bags and dip out. Well that’s me of course.

If you can’t decide if you want to be single or be with me, I’ll make that decision for you. Be the first choice. Being with someone shouldn’t be an obligation, it should feel right. Saying maybe is showing you feel like something isn’t right and that’s alright. It’s not alright if you don’t communicate. Without communication causes you to feel obligated to always have to say something instead of letting it flow. Which can also lead to running the other person away.

So before you get a response with the word maybe make sure to evaluate because you don’t want to possibly be waiting for something that won’t go your way.


Don’t forget to like and share this post.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

 

Loveless Series: Your perfect match

One thing I’m not afraid of is being myself especially in a relationship. When I started dating I came off a little shy but still myself because I was unsure of what I wanted so I was kind of becoming a door mat. My boyfriends or the guys I’ve dated thought they had me wrapped around their finger but little did they know they were slowly pushing me away. Soon they had to find someone else to wrap their fingers around.

Fast forward to now. I refuse to be a stepping mat because I finally understand myself and what I want. From each bad relationship or dating experience I took one thing I liked about the guy and decided that will be my perfect guy. No one is perfect but we all have that one who is perfect for just them. From the people you’ve dated in the past can you write down 5-10 traits you want in your perfect partner?

Here’s mine:

  1. Good dresser
  2. Relax mood
  3. Cuddler
  4. Cook
  5. Family oriented
  6. Goal getter
  7. Positive Attitude

Think about why those traits stuck out to you. Why is that important to have that in your life?

  1. I’m into fashion and I want a man that will look good beside me. He doesn’t have to be in a suit and tie but I would like him put together well.
  2. For my mood I can go up and down. It’ll be great to have someone that can chill me out.
  3. Cuddling I love attention and affection especially in the morning.
  4. I love to cook and I love to eat. It’ll be a nice change to have someone else in the kitchen.
  5. My family is spread out all over the place so it can be weird at time sharing and being open with family when they aren’t always there. Have someone that I can watch to help me become more open.
  6. There are two types of people a dreamer and a doer. I need someone that is willing to do things when I’m down and vice versa.
  7. No one wants to be down at time so it’s great to have someone that can find the sun even on a rainy day.

Now you know the traits you’re looking for and you know why now write down traits on what you can give to your perfect partner.

Here’s mine:

  1. Cook
  2. Cuddler
  3. Energy
  4. Open minded
  5. Direct
  6. Builder
  7. Foundation
  8. Empathetic

From the traits that you are willing to give write down why you want to give that.

Here’s mine:

  1. I think cooking for someone is special. I don’t do it for everyone
  2. I love to show affection
  3. I want to make sure he knows what ever is going on it’ll be fun and okay.
  4. When it comes to two people coming together it can be a struggle at times but I’m open to understand and try knew things.
  5. No one is a mind reader I will let you know
  6. I want to grow with someone even in the bad
  7. I want them to lean on me and I’ve lend a hand when needed
  8. I care about people’s feelings so much. I think twice before doing it.

Was it hard for you to pick out your traits? If so maybe it’s time to reflect on yourself. If you’re ready to be in a relationship with your perfect match you’ll know you’re ready because you would want to give your all. For greatness to work you have to be up for the challenge or it’ll be a problem before it starts. There will be bumps in the road and it’s up to both of you to give and take because your giving him part of you that he might not have to give back. It’s up to both of you to work together and be strong together. 

I hope you enjoy this week’s post. Don’t forget to like this post and subscribe to my blog if you haven’t already. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

 

Pressure On Him (Waiting)

Hi Aspirers!

I can say I’m little old fashion when it comes dating….well to an extent. I like to be courted. Sometimes I don’t allow a guy to court me because I’ve been single for so long I just generally do certain things myself. By me doing it myself leaving the guy comfortable for not letting him do certain things in the relationship. Back to what I prefer a guy to do for me:

  1. Ask me out first 
  2. Pick the location (take charge)
  3. Open doors
  4. Go out of his way to say hello
  5. Profess his affection about me
  6. Be a teddy bear 

Those aren’t hard things to want but now a days it feels like guys just want to go with the flow. I like to know what’s going on and if it’s worth it for me to stay. For the initial first date and a few after is the time we are getting to know each other’s habits. From the beginning we have to hook each other in and keep a tight grip. If I’m getting go with the flow….it’s not flowing right with me. That’s just my preference. You might like to wing dates day by day. 

When a guy plans things out that’s impressive for one I’m always the one planning things. I’m tired of that. When I see they are constantly going with the flow I have to plan. Why am I? Is it wrong to want a guy to go out of his way? I don’t want to always be the one initiating. I don’t want it to feel one sided. When I feel like things are becoming one side I start putting the pressure on him. Such as stepping up and asking where is this going. Since I’m the one always planning the guy is so use to it they feel like they are doing their part. Which they aren’t. That comes from getting to know their partner and change out of your comfort level. All it does is stresses me out. I feel like I’ve trained them to relax and I believe you should never be comfortable in a relationship (but that subject is for another day).

My questions for you to answer this week is:

Do you think women tend to expect a lot out of men? 

Is it wrong to want the man take charge? 

Is it okay for the woman just to go with the flow when they want to know where is the relationship going? 

From a guys prospective if you really like someone would you just go with the flow or would you be more forth coming?

Open for discussion in the comments or feel free to contact me personally with your answers at aspireoneself@gmail.com

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Preparing Him For Her

Hi Aspirers!

Hopefully you read “Trusting God & Wondering If Love Is A Part Of My Timeline” because this is the continuation. If you haven’t read the post go read it now!

Let’s get into it. One statement from the previous post I wrote was “Is love suppose to be in my life or is my purpose something else?” One thing a lot of us do is look at our exes or people we’ve dated Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. Which can be a bad thing. When I see how their relationship is blooming I start to think. To be honest I’m really happy for them being able to find that one but a part of me wonders how can he have such a great relationship and doing all the things I’ve asked him and wanted with her. Am I just a stepping stone? Have you ever wondered that? Is my purpose just to be the woman to prepare him for his soulmate? Am I the lesson? Am I the women to be wrong with so when I’m fed up with you, you realized you messed up so bad you have a “come to Jesus meeting” and do right to the next women.

Reading this from a readers viewpoint or someone that is in a relationship have some things that could be floating in your head right now. Is this author being salty that he moved on? Maybe she needs to be comfortable in her skin because if she was like me she would know you are perfect the way you are? You know things like that. The answer to those questions are yes I can be salty but I am confident in myself. I tend to be the alpha female when it comes to my relationships. Not saying I always have to be in charge but if the man isn’t showing control or taking the lead sometimes, I will. Maybe for not being with them I am winning because they couldn’t rise in the relationship with me. Being a alpha female will be another topic on it’s own.

When I’m being nosey and I just admitted that I’m nosey. It’s human nature to wonder if they are happy and wondering why he didn’t do the things like that for me based off how he is portraying it on his social posts. Yes social media can be a problem but social media will always be here and it’s not going anywhere. Telling someone not to take social media so personal is wrong because our profiles are personals. Online we express our thoughts, feeling, and photos of things and people we show affection to. Even though I not physically next to any of my exes doesn’t mean I don’t see some aspect of their lives. He wants to share because one it’s another way to profess his feelings. Therefore you express your feeling just by what you see. My action for that is to stop looking on their profiles and/or delete them! Looking at them brings up feeling you shouldn’t have because that person isn’t thinking about you. They moved on and so should we all.

There are multiple reasoning on why relationships fail maybe it was the timing or maybe someone wasn’t really ready to be in the relationship. Either way you and me, me and you didn’t work. Dwelling on it is way too stressful. When we’re happy I mean truly happy all we’ll be thinking about is how great your special someone is.

I really hope you’re enjoying my Loveless Series. Don’t forget to like this post if you loved reading it and you’re excite for more. Share this post if you want to. Talk to you all soon.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

 

 

Loveless Series: Trusting God & Wonding If Love Is A Part of My Timeline

As you been reading my posts for the “Loveless Series” I hope it’s an enjoyable series and your following along by answering the questions to yourself honestly. These are the questions I’ve had and are still answering for myself. We all can choose to continue the same path and decide not to try to progress or move forward and figure out ways to better yourself. The type of person I am I like to put somethings into my own hands like trying to find the right person. As I can see that’s not working out for me because I end up disappointing myself for

  1. Going after the wrong guy
  2. The wrong guy is going for me and I’m not focusing on the hints to leave him ALONE.

If that’s the case we need to dig deep down inside ourselves and say is okay he isn’t for me. Just like in my post “In Love with “Love”” I said “I figured out not to settle just because I’m lonely”. If that person isn’t for you and you know it say BYE. When we are focusing on the wrong things we’re missing out on the right.

After bad relationships and failed thought that could be relationships I start to wonder if love is for me. Is it meant for me? Does God have a bigger purpose? Do I have to sign up to go on a love reality show? I’m doubting myself because

  1. I know my worth
  2. I know the challenges I’ve face
  3. I’ve overcame them because I know every man out there isn’t the same

After knowing all of that insecurities start to set in and we all start to compare. Well I know I feel that way. Such as am I pretty enough? Looks are the first thing people notice. Do I not give a good first impression? I’m I too forceful for what I want? So many things continuously run through my mind because I want to give love and I want to receive it.

I’m going to end this post right here because next week the topic is “Preparing HIM for HER” which will help tie in what you’re reading now. Stay tune.

Sincerely, CourtneyRenee

Loveless Series: Opening My Heart For More

Hi Aspirers!

In my previous post “In Love with “Love”” I spoke briefly on the topic when I stopped dating for a year. After a year I didn’t just hop back on the band wagon. It was still a struggle for me. I didn’t find a solution of course if I did I wouldn’t be single. What I did find was what I wanted and what I want to give and understanding they are two completely different things.

A few days ago I was listening to the radio and someone called and asked for advice and the answer that was given was so true. The advice was “treat him how he needs to be treated not how you want to be treated”. We are so wrapped up on what we want and how we want it, we think the other person want the same. We have to open our hearts and minds to understand them. For example something’s to keep me happy in a relationship are food, time, and compliments. Just because I like to cook I’m going to cook for my man I assume he will love it and want it. That’s not always true. If I cook food he’s going to eat it regardless if it me took 5 minutes or the whole day to make it. So doing that for him might not make him happy in the relationship just content. Once we find out what the other person is looking for makes the relationship easier. I just haven’t found a man that takes the time to want to figure me out. They’re just doing the things they normally do in the past. Which results in failure in opening their hearts because their doing the opposite by closing it off and not stepping out of the norm.

Q: When was the last time you did something different for your significant other?

Q: Are you happy doing the same things over and over?

Q: What about for the next 20 years?

Step out and do something else. Why stay comfortable when your relationship could feel like an adventure to explore another part of your other half. Don’t be content be happy.

Are you enjoying the “Loveless Series” so far? If so don’t forget the like this post. Next week the topic will be “Trusting God and wondering if love is a part of my timeline”.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee