Happy Valentine’s Day Aspirers!

This day is dedicated to all the lovers everywhere. Another day to show one another how much you truly care for them. For the single people out their like myself this day is dedicated to the love that we have for ourselves…well that’s what I’m doing today. While the lovers are busy loving I wanted to take the time to talk about relationship goals the realistic relationship goals. When most of us aren’t in a relationship we get into the habit of looking into people’s relationship for example a celebrity. We start pointing out the do’s and don’t and create goals for ourselves based off of what we see other people do. I’m not saying that is wrong but what those people are doing might not work for you. So why not focus on what you really want and go from there.

Right now in my dating life I’m focus was on finding a guy that I can grow and build with someday. I don’t want to come off pushy when getting to know someone but off the bat I want to know if he is on the same page. Such as asking him if a relationship is what he’s looking for at the moment. If he can’t answer my questions or feels overwhelmed with questions like where do you see yourself in 5 years or what’s your religious beliefs then you’re not the one for me.

From my dating experiences I came up with a few things I’m looking for in a guy which are:

1. Communications!!!: I don’t want to have to pull teeth to get answers. Been there don’t that! When we are together I just want the words to just flow.
2. Goal-oriented: A lot of people can start something but can they finish what they are doing and plan for the next step.
3. Profess: Show me that you care and want me!
4. Loves sports and be active: I’ve never came across a guy that doesn’t like sports and if one comes my way, turn around.
5. Honesty: Tell me how he feels. No hiding is necessary.
6. Family-oriented: Not only thinking of himself but others. More of we or us not I. Family as a priority.
7. Religious beliefs: Being with someone with similar beliefs honestly makes the union between two people stronger.
8. Motivator: Lift my spirts when I’m down because I’m not always going to be peppy.

I can’t expect all those things from a guy if I don’t have anything to give him in return. Here are a few things I’ll give him in return:

1. Adaptable: I can adapt in pretty much any situation. Every guy is different and every relationship is too so if I expect the same I’ll get the same results.
2. Empathic: I always think about us instead of just me.
3. Planner: You need it done oh I got you with a calendar.
4. Communication: It takes two to hold a conversation so when you speak I’ll answer.
5. Active!: I love trying new things and open to learn.
6. Creative mind: I’ll show you a new way to look at things because change is okay.
7. Profess: Make you feel important in my life constantly.
8. Coach and a team player: I’m open to help and lend a helping hand.

Thinking back I was so focus on what I want from him but I needed to show him what he’ll get in return. Actions speaks louder than words so if the person isn’t showing you how you want to be treated even after you explained what you wanted it might not be worth it. Speak up because if the other person don’t know then they won’t do it.

I remember I was dating this one guy years ago we would see each other almost everyday and we would text or call each other daily but one day I didn’t hear from him. Then another day past and I still didn’t hear from him but he decided to post something on Snapchat. I’m over here thinking he died but he’s out having a grand time with friends. Fast forward to when we finally spoke on the phone I asked him something like why didn’t you try to contact me? Were you not thinking of me? His response was no. That hurt so much. It was like everything dropped to the pit of my stomach. To know that I was worrying about him and his well-being and he wasn’t thinking about me at ALL. So of course we ended things.

Clearly we weren’t on the same path. If you’re dating someone and they want to get married one day but you don’t believe in marriage don’t waste their time. We sometimes run into butt hurt people that can’t get over their past relationships and thinks the same result will happen. Trust me the same result will happen if they keep thinking that. If you’re looking for a relationship don’t date someone that is just looking for fun or is confused on what they want they’re probably not ready to date.

The last guy I dated seemed like he wasn’t ready for anything. He didn’t show his true colors until we were dating for a little bit. I would ask him a question and I could tell he was uncomfortable. Like he had to make sure he was going to say the right thing. One night I asked him why haven’t you asked me to be your girlfriend? His response was I don’t know I could but I just haven’t. So why don’t you?, I said. Oh I don’t know, he said. You should already know him and I didn’t last.

Last time I check there isn’t a time machine. You don’t want your time wasted so don’t waste anyone else’s especially if both of you aren’t on the same path. When I’m truly feeling that person I just want to be in their presence even if we’re just sitting and watching TV or driving in silence because I’m comfortable with them. Wouldn’t that be amazing. Be with someone because you want to be with them and you’re truly comfortable giving yourself. Be comfortable with them but at the same time make your days feels like you are meeting them for the first time. I see people married looking tired of each other and I look tired looking at them because I don’t want to be like them. When two people fit perfectly together no matter the differences or disagreements they work it out. Someone once told me “that you need to find someone that will put up with your shit”. Every guy can’t handle me and the right one will day. Just make sure your stuff is clean. Don’t be messy.

Through all your experiences good or bad find what sticks out to you. The good things you remember are the things you want to constantly see in your future relationship. Like if you can pick a good trait from every person you dated and mold into your unique perfect person. Everyone has had hard times but everyone’s hard times are different and so will your turn out. So don’t base other people’s love story as your own. Create your own!

Sincerely, Courtney Renee