love

#RelationshipGoals

Happy Valentine’s Day Aspirers!

This day is dedicated to all the lovers everywhere. Another day to show one another how much you truly care for them. For the single people out their like myself this day is dedicated to the love that we have for ourselves…well that’s what I’m doing today. While the lovers are busy loving I wanted to take the time to talk about relationship goals the realistic relationship goals. When most of us aren’t in a relationship we get into the habit of looking into people’s relationship for example a celebrity. We start pointing out the do’s and don’t and create goals for ourselves based off of what we see other people do. I’m not saying that is wrong but what those people are doing might not work for you. So why not focus on what you really want and go from there.

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Right now in my dating life I’m focus was on finding a guy that I can grow and build with someday. I don’t want to come off pushy when getting to know someone but off the bat I want to know if he is on the same page. Such as asking him if a relationship is what he’s looking for at the moment. If he can’t answer my questions or feels overwhelmed with questions like where do you see yourself in 5 years or what’s your religious beliefs then you’re not the one for me.

From my dating experiences I came up with a few things I’m looking for in a guy which are:

  1. Communications!!!: I don’t want to have to pull teeth to get answers. Been there don’t that! When we are together I just want the words to just flow.
  2. Goal-oriented: A lot of people can start something but can they finish what they are doing and plan for the next step.
  3. Profess: Show me that you care and want me!
  4. Loves sports and be active: I’ve never came across a guy that doesn’t like sports and if one comes my way, turn around.
  5. Honesty: Tell me how he feels. No hiding is necessary.
  6. Family-oriented: Not only thinking of himself but others. More of we or us not I. Family as a priority.
  7. Religious beliefs: Being with someone with similar beliefs honestly makes the union between two people stronger.
  8. Motivator: Lift my spirts when I’m down because I’m not always going to be peppy.

I can’t expect all those things from a guy if I don’t have anything to give him in return. Here are a few things I’ll give him in return:

  1. Adaptable: I can adapt in pretty much any situation. Every guy is different and every relationship is too so if I expect the same I’ll get the same results.
  2. Empathic: I always think about us instead of just me.
  3. Planner: You need it done oh I got you with a calendar.
  4. Communication: It takes two to hold a conversation so when you speak I’ll answer.
  5. Active!: I love trying new things and open to learn.
  6. Creative mind: I’ll show you a new way to look at things because change is okay.
  7. Profess: Make you feel important in my life constantly.
  8. Coach and a team player: I’m open to help and lend a helping hand.

Thinking back I was so focus on what I want from him but I needed to show him what he’ll get in return. Actions speaks louder than words so if the person isn’t showing you how you want to be treated even after you explained what you wanted it might not be worth it. Speak up because if the other person don’t know then they won’t do it.

I remember I was dating this one guy years ago we would see each other almost everyday and we would text or call each other daily but one day I didn’t hear from him. Then another day past and I still didn’t hear from him but he decided to post something on Snapchat. I’m over here thinking he died but he’s out having a grand time with friends. Fast forward to when we finally spoke on the phone I asked him something like why didn’t you try to contact me? Were you not thinking of me? His response was no. That hurt so much. It was like everything dropped to the pit of my stomach. To know that I was worrying about him and his well-being and he wasn’t thinking about me at ALL. So of course we ended things.

Clearly we weren’t on the same path. If you’re dating someone and they want to get married one day but you don’t believe in marriage don’t waste their time. We sometimes run into butt hurt people that can’t get over their past relationships and thinks the same result will happen. Trust me the same result will happen if they keep thinking that. If you’re looking for a relationship don’t date someone that is just looking for fun or is confused on what they want they’re probably not ready to date.

The last guy I dated seemed like he wasn’t ready for anything. He didn’t show his true colors until we were dating for a little bit. I would ask him a question and I could tell he was uncomfortable. Like he had to make sure he was going to say the right thing. One night I asked him why haven’t you asked me to be your girlfriend? His response was I don’t know I could but I just haven’t. So why don’t you?, I said. Oh I don’t know, he said. You should already know him and I didn’t last.

Last time I check there isn’t a time machine. You don’t want your time wasted so don’t waste anyone else’s especially if both of you aren’t on the same path. When I’m truly feeling that person I just want to be in their presence even if we’re just sitting and watching TV or driving in silence because I’m comfortable with them. Wouldn’t that be amazing. Be with someone because you want to be with them and you’re truly comfortable giving yourself. Be comfortable with them but at the same time make yimg_6293our days feels like you are meeting them for the first time. I see people married looking tired of each other and I look tired looking at them because I don’t want to be like them. When two people fit perfectly together no matter the differences or disagreements they work it out. Someone once told me “that you need to find someone that will put up with your shit”. Every guy can’t handle me and the right one will day. Just make sure your stuff is clean. Don’t be messy.

Through all your experiences good or bad find what sticks out to you. The good things you remember are the things you want to constantly see in your future relationship. Like if you can pick a good trait from every person you dated and mold into your unique perfect person. Everyone has had hard times but everyone’s hard times are different and so will your turn out. So don’t base other people’s love story as your own. Create your own!

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

The Couple’s Playlist

Hi to all the Aspirers that are in love and preparing for Valentine’s Day next week with your special someone. There is one thing you need that will set the day and night off right. Do you know what that is? Music of course! You could prepare a playlist of your favorite hits so you two can go down memory lane or maybe a playlist to show the other person how much you care. If you don’t have any songs in mind don’t worry  I went ahead and made a playlist just for you to help set the mood. I hope you enjoy! 

Tank: Throwback Love

Beyoncé: Partition 

Silk: Freak Me

Boys 2 Men: I’ll Make Love To You

H-Town: Knockin’ The Boots

Beyoncé: Countdown

Marvin Gaye: Let’s Get It On

Trina feat. Keshia Cole: I Got A Thing For Ya

R. Kelly: Bump N’ Grind

Beyoncé: Dance For You 

John Legend: Stay With You

R. Kelly: Seems Like You’re Ready

R. Kelly: Feeling On Your Booty

Alina Barez and Galimatias: Make You Feel

Faith Evans: Soon As I Get Home

James Arthur: Say You Won’t Let Go

Jesse Powell: You

Minnie Riperton: Lovin’ You

Janet Jackson: That’s The Way Love Goes

Mariah Carey: Dreamlover 

(Sources: videos are all from YouTube)

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Single On Valentine’s Day Ideas

Don’t let Valentine’s Day be the day you sit around and become bored because you’re single. Valentine’s Day is about love so why not treat yourself and show yourself how much you love yourself and maybe others too. 

Here are some single Valentine’s Day ideas: 

  1. Go to the movies.  
  2. Have and dinner and a movie night at your place. Create a menu and pop in a RedBox movie. I love a good horror movie. 
  3. Head to the spa. You’ve had a rough day or year so why not get pampered. 
  4. Go to the park and have a panic and read your favorite book.
  5. Hang out with other single friends and have fun like you normally would if it wasn’t Valentine’s Day. 
  6. Take a day trip some where. I love a good museum. 
  7. Spend time with family. That’s where you’ll find unconditional love. 
  8. Go the a pet store and play with some puppies. Animals doesn’t know what day it is. All they want is love and playtime. 
  9. Buy yourself a gift because you’ve  earned it!
  10. Go out and hit the town. Don’t stay home and waste your night away! Let the world know you look GOOD! 

These are just a few ideas but if you have more feel free to share in the comment section below. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee 

Have you been negative this year? 

Aspirers let’s take a moment to reflect on how 2016 was for you. Think about all the good you done and all the bad. Don’t lie and say “I’ve been a perfect little angel” because no one is perfect. I don’t mind going first and being honest. One thing I’ve noticed about six or seven months ago was catching myself was being negative. I didn’t realize it was problem until one day I came to the conclusion that things weren’t falling into place. Something was going on around me and I pinpointed it to my negative ways. I wasn’t being negative towards others (well I hope not) but when something was told to me by certain people I pointed out their flaws A LOT. I came to the conclusion to push out the negativity and not talk about it especially when the issues wasn’t towards me or what I was doing. I’ve noticed when I point out the negatives the feeling creeps back up again and the cycle continues. If there is a negative thought in my head I stop and pray for God to push it off of me. Guess what he pushed it off and I stopped thinking about it. This wasn’t an over night solution but soon after I started seeing results and success happening in my life because I saw things in a more positive light. We never know how negativity effects us until we decide to do something about it. 

Can you point out your bad ways? Are you open to changing it? Will you change it? Leave your comments below. I’m going to revisit this topic again because we all don’t need to bring negativity in the new year. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: Two is better than one

If having two brains is better than one, then why is it so hard to figure that out in a relationship. You two were once two individuals and one day you two found each other and created a bond. To hold that bond each of you have to be equal and want to be equal. Sometimes in relationships that one person wants to make that bond unequal because they were thinking of themselves instead of each other. Has that happened to you or have you did that? Did you like the result? Did the bond come back together?

Sometimes the bond breaks because one person feels the need to run a stray or be the big man or woman in the relationship. If you wouldn’t like your partner doing it than you shouldn’t do it. Before you even do an act think twice and say to yourself. “What if _____ was doing this? I would be mad as hell.” If you don’t care what the other person is doing than that’s not a bond at all. If you do care about the other person you should know better.

I’m not saying our needs should come last when you’re in a relationship but both sides should be happy, understanding, and willing to compromise. If you aren’t happy, not understanding, and want it your way or no way then the only way to go is out that relationship. Yeah I said it OUT! Don’t make your life complicated if it doesn’t have to be. Being alone is stressful. Being in a relationship can be stressful. Being alone can be great. Being in a relationship can be great too. You just have to be willing to deal with things coming your way. Dealing means talk it out with that other person. Two brains are better than one when trying to solve a problem. Conversation is with two or more people. If you’re sitting and talking alone that doesn’t get you anywhere except for acting petty and fighting with issues that might not really be issues until you talk it out with someone.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: What is good timing?

Hi Aspirers! 

From my last post for the Loveless Series I spoke about pressure to be in a relationship or move forward in a relationship. In this post I want to talk about timing. I have one question to ask first. What is good timing? You want that guy to ask you to be his wife or girlfriend because you’ve waited so long for this. You want kids but you and your spouse feel like it’s not the right time because you both are just getting into your careers. Why can’t the timing be now? Why the excuses? Why not take a chance? Take that leap of faith to move forward in your life. Think of it as bettering yourself verses comparing the last mistakes. Out of no where today I started thinking about one guy from my past. He was set in his ways about the past and thinking I was going to do the same thing to him. His reason was he needed to make sure everything will be okay and it’s not going to turn out the same. Without giving me that chance he answered the question for himself and we ended because he couldn’t take the time with me and have faith that it will be different. Someone can show you all the signs of greatness but if you’re stuck, there will be no perfect time. You have to make the time. 

At the end of the day there isn’t a set time because every situatation is different. You’ll know when you’re ready and you’re not ready communicate with your partner instead of leaving them hanging. 

This was a short post but I hope everything I wrote was clear for you all. Stay tune for another post for the Loveless Series next Wednesday. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: What do you think? 

Instead of writing a new post this week I want to know what you think of the loveless series? Do you want this series to continue? What would you like to read about? What you want me to continue a conversation on previous posts. I want to know your thought. 

Email me your thoughts here or comment below. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: Maybe…

Hi Aspirers!

Growing up we probably heard this word used by our parents or guardians when we’re asking for something. We would cross our fingers hoping it’ll go our way. Tend on lending on that term and planning on not getting a no. The word I’m referring to is maybe.

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What happens when we’re use to that term in a relationship or leading into a relationship. We’re hoping for that maybe to turn into a yes. This term can also mean doubt such as “maybe we can see how this goes”. In our eyes we are hearing possibly the odds will be in our favor.

In yes or no situations why do we need to use maybe? It’s either yes or no. Are you meaning to say yes then why can’t you just say yes? Sometimes the answer maybe can be the worst response because the person on the receiving end will be in wonder just like when you see those three dots on the conversation screen when you’re texting someone. (Just say it already) Also we can start to think are they just trying to hold on to something and if we find out it’s not going in our favor we’re pack our bags and dip out. Well that’s me of course.

If you can’t decide if you want to be single or be with me, I’ll make that decision for you. Be the first choice. Being with someone shouldn’t be an obligation, it should feel right. Saying maybe is showing you feel like something isn’t right and that’s alright. It’s not alright if you don’t communicate. Without communication causes you to feel obligated to always have to say something instead of letting it flow. Which can also lead to running the other person away.

So before you get a response with the word maybe make sure to evaluate because you don’t want to possibly be waiting for something that won’t go your way.


Don’t forget to like and share this post.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee