Loveless Series

Loveless Series: What is good timing?

Hi Aspirers! 

From my last post for the Loveless Series I spoke about pressure to be in a relationship or move forward in a relationship. In this post I want to talk about timing. I have one question to ask first. What is good timing? You want that guy to ask you to be his wife or girlfriend because you’ve waited so long for this. You want kids but you and your spouse feel like it’s not the right time because you both are just getting into your careers. Why can’t the timing be now? Why the excuses? Why not take a chance? Take that leap of faith to move forward in your life. Think of it as bettering yourself verses comparing the last mistakes. Out of no where today I started thinking about one guy from my past. He was set in his ways about the past and thinking I was going to do the same thing to him. His reason was he needed to make sure everything will be okay and it’s not going to turn out the same. Without giving me that chance he answered the question for himself and we ended because he couldn’t take the time with me and have faith that it will be different. Someone can show you all the signs of greatness but if you’re stuck, there will be no perfect time. You have to make the time. 

At the end of the day there isn’t a set time because every situatation is different. You’ll know when you’re ready and you’re not ready communicate with your partner instead of leaving them hanging. 

This was a short post but I hope everything I wrote was clear for you all. Stay tune for another post for the Loveless Series next Wednesday. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: Pressure

Hi Aspirers!

Why is it that people feel the need to hook people up? I’m not saying I haven’t done it but when I do I feel like being a matchmaker, I feel like the other person is a good match not just people they are there. 

I don’t know if it’s just me or are you feeling the pressure to get in relationship, get married, or have kids? Well I’m feeling it more than ever! Just because I’m alone doesn’t mean I’m lonely. Yes it is cold outside and having someone to cuddle with is tempting but I’m looking for more than just a cuddle partner. If I don’t see more in you than it’s not going to be more. Those friends and family members that mentions “I have someone for you” but they have no idea what you’re looking for so instead of wasting everyone’s time the answer is no. At the end of the day do we even have a type because clearly the type we like clearly isn’t working out.

Thinking back to my parents and their parents by the time they were my age marriage and kids was already in the picture. Apparently it hasn’t been that easy for me. Not saying I don’t want that but it just hasn’t happened. Comparing myself to doesn’t help.

Q: Have you felt the pressure to get into a relationship or move forward in a relationship? (Leave a comment below)

I had a previous coworker who is younger than me and was married. The type of person I am I asked a lot of questions and one of them being why did you get married so soon. She said “we were pressured by our family and the church”. “We’ve been in a relationship for two years and living together”. In my mind I took it as if your church and your family didn’t get involved you two would just be boyfriend and girlfriend. I understand whispering in the ear and giving people a little push but if people are pressuring others to do something that they weren’t planning on doing wouldn’t that lead to disaster?

Q: Have you been pressured to do something and it didn’t go well? (Leave a comment below)

Time is important to me but at the same time we don’t know it’s a mistake until it goes wrong. We have to try to find out. For me that is tough because I hate wasting time because I feel like I wasted my time so many times and still haven’t got it right yet. The toughest pressure of all is putting pressure on myself when something goes wrong. Things happen and relationships fail. Most of us that put ourselves out there is hoping for something good to happen. I said most not all because there are people out there that try to put themselves into a relationship knowing darn well they just want to play the field (those are the people we want to avoid). Maybe to help with the pressure we take a deep breath and breathe. Then the pressure wouldn’t be so hard to deal with.

Until next time catch up on any post you’ve missed. Follow my blog if you haven’t already.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: What do you think? 

Instead of writing a new post this week I want to know what you think of the loveless series? Do you want this series to continue? What would you like to read about? What you want me to continue a conversation on previous posts. I want to know your thought. 

Email me your thoughts here or comment below. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: Maybe…

Hi Aspirers!

Growing up we probably heard this word used by our parents or guardians when we’re asking for something. We would cross our fingers hoping it’ll go our way. Tend on lending on that term and planning on not getting a no. The word I’m referring to is maybe.

Google


What happens when we’re use to that term in a relationship or leading into a relationship. We’re hoping for that maybe to turn into a yes. This term can also mean doubt such as “maybe we can see how this goes”. In our eyes we are hearing possibly the odds will be in our favor.

In yes or no situations why do we need to use maybe? It’s either yes or no. Are you meaning to say yes then why can’t you just say yes? Sometimes the answer maybe can be the worst response because the person on the receiving end will be in wonder just like when you see those three dots on the conversation screen when you’re texting someone. (Just say it already) Also we can start to think are they just trying to hold on to something and if we find out it’s not going in our favor we’re pack our bags and dip out. Well that’s me of course.

If you can’t decide if you want to be single or be with me, I’ll make that decision for you. Be the first choice. Being with someone shouldn’t be an obligation, it should feel right. Saying maybe is showing you feel like something isn’t right and that’s alright. It’s not alright if you don’t communicate. Without communication causes you to feel obligated to always have to say something instead of letting it flow. Which can also lead to running the other person away.

So before you get a response with the word maybe make sure to evaluate because you don’t want to possibly be waiting for something that won’t go your way.


Don’t forget to like and share this post.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

 

Pressure On Him (Waiting)

Hi Aspirers!

I can say I’m little old fashion when it comes dating….well to an extent. I like to be courted. Sometimes I don’t allow a guy to court me because I’ve been single for so long I just generally do certain things myself. By me doing it myself leaving the guy comfortable for not letting him do certain things in the relationship. Back to what I prefer a guy to do for me:

  1. Ask me out first 
  2. Pick the location (take charge)
  3. Open doors
  4. Go out of his way to say hello
  5. Profess his affection about me
  6. Be a teddy bear 

Those aren’t hard things to want but now a days it feels like guys just want to go with the flow. I like to know what’s going on and if it’s worth it for me to stay. For the initial first date and a few after is the time we are getting to know each other’s habits. From the beginning we have to hook each other in and keep a tight grip. If I’m getting go with the flow….it’s not flowing right with me. That’s just my preference. You might like to wing dates day by day. 

When a guy plans things out that’s impressive for one I’m always the one planning things. I’m tired of that. When I see they are constantly going with the flow I have to plan. Why am I? Is it wrong to want a guy to go out of his way? I don’t want to always be the one initiating. I don’t want it to feel one sided. When I feel like things are becoming one side I start putting the pressure on him. Such as stepping up and asking where is this going. Since I’m the one always planning the guy is so use to it they feel like they are doing their part. Which they aren’t. That comes from getting to know their partner and change out of your comfort level. All it does is stresses me out. I feel like I’ve trained them to relax and I believe you should never be comfortable in a relationship (but that subject is for another day).

My questions for you to answer this week is:

Do you think women tend to expect a lot out of men? 

Is it wrong to want the man take charge? 

Is it okay for the woman just to go with the flow when they want to know where is the relationship going? 

From a guys prospective if you really like someone would you just go with the flow or would you be more forth coming?

Open for discussion in the comments or feel free to contact me personally with your answers at aspireoneself@gmail.com

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Preparing Him For Her

Hi Aspirers!

Hopefully you read “Trusting God & Wondering If Love Is A Part Of My Timeline” because this is the continuation. If you haven’t read the post go read it now!

Let’s get into it. One statement from the previous post I wrote was “Is love suppose to be in my life or is my purpose something else?” One thing a lot of us do is look at our exes or people we’ve dated Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, etc. Which can be a bad thing. When I see how their relationship is blooming I start to think. To be honest I’m really happy for them being able to find that one but a part of me wonders how can he have such a great relationship and doing all the things I’ve asked him and wanted with her. Am I just a stepping stone? Have you ever wondered that? Is my purpose just to be the woman to prepare him for his soulmate? Am I the lesson? Am I the women to be wrong with so when I’m fed up with you, you realized you messed up so bad you have a “come to Jesus meeting” and do right to the next women.

Reading this from a readers viewpoint or someone that is in a relationship have some things that could be floating in your head right now. Is this author being salty that he moved on? Maybe she needs to be comfortable in her skin because if she was like me she would know you are perfect the way you are? You know things like that. The answer to those questions are yes I can be salty but I am confident in myself. I tend to be the alpha female when it comes to my relationships. Not saying I always have to be in charge but if the man isn’t showing control or taking the lead sometimes, I will. Maybe for not being with them I am winning because they couldn’t rise in the relationship with me. Being a alpha female will be another topic on it’s own.

When I’m being nosey and I just admitted that I’m nosey. It’s human nature to wonder if they are happy and wondering why he didn’t do the things like that for me based off how he is portraying it on his social posts. Yes social media can be a problem but social media will always be here and it’s not going anywhere. Telling someone not to take social media so personal is wrong because our profiles are personals. Online we express our thoughts, feeling, and photos of things and people we show affection to. Even though I not physically next to any of my exes doesn’t mean I don’t see some aspect of their lives. He wants to share because one it’s another way to profess his feelings. Therefore you express your feeling just by what you see. My action for that is to stop looking on their profiles and/or delete them! Looking at them brings up feeling you shouldn’t have because that person isn’t thinking about you. They moved on and so should we all.

There are multiple reasoning on why relationships fail maybe it was the timing or maybe someone wasn’t really ready to be in the relationship. Either way you and me, me and you didn’t work. Dwelling on it is way too stressful. When we’re happy I mean truly happy all we’ll be thinking about is how great your special someone is.

I really hope you’re enjoying my Loveless Series. Don’t forget to like this post if you loved reading it and you’re excite for more. Share this post if you want to. Talk to you all soon.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

 

 

Loveless Series: Opening My Heart For More

Hi Aspirers!

In my previous post “In Love with “Love”” I spoke briefly on the topic when I stopped dating for a year. After a year I didn’t just hop back on the band wagon. It was still a struggle for me. I didn’t find a solution of course if I did I wouldn’t be single. What I did find was what I wanted and what I want to give and understanding they are two completely different things.

A few days ago I was listening to the radio and someone called and asked for advice and the answer that was given was so true. The advice was “treat him how he needs to be treated not how you want to be treated”. We are so wrapped up on what we want and how we want it, we think the other person want the same. We have to open our hearts and minds to understand them. For example something’s to keep me happy in a relationship are food, time, and compliments. Just because I like to cook I’m going to cook for my man I assume he will love it and want it. That’s not always true. If I cook food he’s going to eat it regardless if it me took 5 minutes or the whole day to make it. So doing that for him might not make him happy in the relationship just content. Once we find out what the other person is looking for makes the relationship easier. I just haven’t found a man that takes the time to want to figure me out. They’re just doing the things they normally do in the past. Which results in failure in opening their hearts because their doing the opposite by closing it off and not stepping out of the norm.

Q: When was the last time you did something different for your significant other?

Q: Are you happy doing the same things over and over?

Q: What about for the next 20 years?

Step out and do something else. Why stay comfortable when your relationship could feel like an adventure to explore another part of your other half. Don’t be content be happy.

Are you enjoying the “Loveless Series” so far? If so don’t forget the like this post. Next week the topic will be “Trusting God and wondering if love is a part of my timeline”.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: In Love with “Love”

Hello Aspireres!

Here’s a new blog series I’ve started up called the “Loveless Series” every Wednesday. What a better way to talk about love then on hump day? Each week there will be different topics based off of what a lot of us have or is currently going through. I’m putting my experiences and feelings onto these pages.  I’m making myself vulnerable because these are questions I’ve asked myself and I bet you or someone you know have too. What I want everyone to get out of this series is a better understanding of themselves and what they want from a relationship. Before you say anything like “hold up is Courtney Renee even in a relationship?”. I never said I was but the things I’ve learned from my pass keeps me going on what my future will bring. I figured out not to settle just because I was lonely. You want to compliment each other not discourage each other. We are constantly asking questions either to ourselves, to someone else, or to God (if you’re religious). Also in the series as you read there will be questions for you to take a second and reflect on yourself. I hope you enjoy and welcome to the “Loveless Series”.

In Love with “Love”

Growing up I loved watching movies about weddings and love stories. I dreamed that one day that will be me. I just knew it. I even created a wedding book when I was 15 years old. In the book I drew and designed my wedding dress, how I wanted my hair, colors, bridesmaids, and flower girl dresses. I looked up how much my dream wedding ring will cost ($30,000 from Tiffany’s). I feel like I’m worth it! I even picked out my future husband’s ring because I knew who ever he was going to be he was going to be worth it. The only thing missing from my book was HIM. My book can’t be complete. As time passed and boyfriends came and went I realized I haven’t met the one or when I think I met the one something goes wrong. When it happened multiple times I started thinking is it me.

Q: Have you thought about that? You’re the common denominator of these relationships so what am I doing wrong? 

Years ago I told myself I wanted to be married, engaged, or in a series relationship by 25 well that came and went too. Around 22 something hit me and said “Courtney stop searching because all you’re doing is finding disappointment.” So I listened and stopped dating for a year to figure out what I wanted out of life and stopped comparing myself to others relationships. Relationships are hard and the people we are comparing ourselves to might not be perfect so we have to check ourselves. Before we can be right for someone else we have to right for ourselves.

Once the year was over and got back on the dating scene but like I said I didn’t go out looking if it happens it happens. Yes I want to get married but I’m not the type to say if I’m in a relationship for a year I’m expecting a ring for our anniversary. We have no idea where we’re going to be in a year. So how do you expect your other half to know they are really ready to put a ring on your finger in a year? For some love happens at first sight  but for others it might take a little longer. One thing I’ve learned from that year of being by myself is growth and wanting to grow with someone. If that person isn’t willing to grow with you things shift in a relationship. From being by ourselves we’ll understand what we want to give to others based off what you want to get in return. It’s a give a take but try not to keep a tally.

Q: Do you give to get something in return? Are you always the one to be getting something verses giving? Are you always giving?

Just like the title of this post “In Love with “Love”” you have to be willing to give love to retrieve it and stop thinking of it as an idea and more like an action. For you to love “love” you have to love yourself.

Throughout your reading I hope you took the time and truly answered these questions. Share your answers below and don’t forget to like this post if you’re excited about “Loveless Series” every Wednesday and maybe throughout this series we’ll all find out more about ourselves and love will come our way.

Keep an eye out for next week’s topic “Opening My Heart for More”.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee