motivation

#RelationshipGoals

Happy Valentine’s Day Aspirers!

This day is dedicated to all the lovers everywhere. Another day to show one another how much you truly care for them. For the single people out their like myself this day is dedicated to the love that we have for ourselves…well that’s what I’m doing today. While the lovers are busy loving I wanted to take the time to talk about relationship goals the realistic relationship goals. When most of us aren’t in a relationship we get into the habit of looking into people’s relationship for example a celebrity. We start pointing out the do’s and don’t and create goals for ourselves based off of what we see other people do. I’m not saying that is wrong but what those people are doing might not work for you. So why not focus on what you really want and go from there.

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Right now in my dating life I’m focus was on finding a guy that I can grow and build with someday. I don’t want to come off pushy when getting to know someone but off the bat I want to know if he is on the same page. Such as asking him if a relationship is what he’s looking for at the moment. If he can’t answer my questions or feels overwhelmed with questions like where do you see yourself in 5 years or what’s your religious beliefs then you’re not the one for me.

From my dating experiences I came up with a few things I’m looking for in a guy which are:

  1. Communications!!!: I don’t want to have to pull teeth to get answers. Been there don’t that! When we are together I just want the words to just flow.
  2. Goal-oriented: A lot of people can start something but can they finish what they are doing and plan for the next step.
  3. Profess: Show me that you care and want me!
  4. Loves sports and be active: I’ve never came across a guy that doesn’t like sports and if one comes my way, turn around.
  5. Honesty: Tell me how he feels. No hiding is necessary.
  6. Family-oriented: Not only thinking of himself but others. More of we or us not I. Family as a priority.
  7. Religious beliefs: Being with someone with similar beliefs honestly makes the union between two people stronger.
  8. Motivator: Lift my spirts when I’m down because I’m not always going to be peppy.

I can’t expect all those things from a guy if I don’t have anything to give him in return. Here are a few things I’ll give him in return:

  1. Adaptable: I can adapt in pretty much any situation. Every guy is different and every relationship is too so if I expect the same I’ll get the same results.
  2. Empathic: I always think about us instead of just me.
  3. Planner: You need it done oh I got you with a calendar.
  4. Communication: It takes two to hold a conversation so when you speak I’ll answer.
  5. Active!: I love trying new things and open to learn.
  6. Creative mind: I’ll show you a new way to look at things because change is okay.
  7. Profess: Make you feel important in my life constantly.
  8. Coach and a team player: I’m open to help and lend a helping hand.

Thinking back I was so focus on what I want from him but I needed to show him what he’ll get in return. Actions speaks louder than words so if the person isn’t showing you how you want to be treated even after you explained what you wanted it might not be worth it. Speak up because if the other person don’t know then they won’t do it.

I remember I was dating this one guy years ago we would see each other almost everyday and we would text or call each other daily but one day I didn’t hear from him. Then another day past and I still didn’t hear from him but he decided to post something on Snapchat. I’m over here thinking he died but he’s out having a grand time with friends. Fast forward to when we finally spoke on the phone I asked him something like why didn’t you try to contact me? Were you not thinking of me? His response was no. That hurt so much. It was like everything dropped to the pit of my stomach. To know that I was worrying about him and his well-being and he wasn’t thinking about me at ALL. So of course we ended things.

Clearly we weren’t on the same path. If you’re dating someone and they want to get married one day but you don’t believe in marriage don’t waste their time. We sometimes run into butt hurt people that can’t get over their past relationships and thinks the same result will happen. Trust me the same result will happen if they keep thinking that. If you’re looking for a relationship don’t date someone that is just looking for fun or is confused on what they want they’re probably not ready to date.

The last guy I dated seemed like he wasn’t ready for anything. He didn’t show his true colors until we were dating for a little bit. I would ask him a question and I could tell he was uncomfortable. Like he had to make sure he was going to say the right thing. One night I asked him why haven’t you asked me to be your girlfriend? His response was I don’t know I could but I just haven’t. So why don’t you?, I said. Oh I don’t know, he said. You should already know him and I didn’t last.

Last time I check there isn’t a time machine. You don’t want your time wasted so don’t waste anyone else’s especially if both of you aren’t on the same path. When I’m truly feeling that person I just want to be in their presence even if we’re just sitting and watching TV or driving in silence because I’m comfortable with them. Wouldn’t that be amazing. Be with someone because you want to be with them and you’re truly comfortable giving yourself. Be comfortable with them but at the same time make yimg_6293our days feels like you are meeting them for the first time. I see people married looking tired of each other and I look tired looking at them because I don’t want to be like them. When two people fit perfectly together no matter the differences or disagreements they work it out. Someone once told me “that you need to find someone that will put up with your shit”. Every guy can’t handle me and the right one will day. Just make sure your stuff is clean. Don’t be messy.

Through all your experiences good or bad find what sticks out to you. The good things you remember are the things you want to constantly see in your future relationship. Like if you can pick a good trait from every person you dated and mold into your unique perfect person. Everyone has had hard times but everyone’s hard times are different and so will your turn out. So don’t base other people’s love story as your own. Create your own!

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Self Image Workshop

Ladies this is one event you don’t want to miss out. Jovanhanna from Positive Forward Movement and I have teamed up to create a workshop to make YOUR inner and outer beauty shine! Spaces will be limited and we want to get the word out NOW. Email us for questions and to sign up to our mailing list. More information on its way. 

2 Days Until 2017

Oh my gosh it’s almost 2017! Can you believe it! Since it’s 2 days away I wanted to tell you 2 things I would change about myself if I could in 2016: 

  1. I wish I spoke up more. I’m pretty outspoken already but I let a lot of things slide by that shouldn’t have. 
  2. I’m an introvert but I could of stepped out my box a little bit more. Some people think I’m very outgoing but honestly I’m very shy and awkward when trying to make friends and build networks. If you put me in a room and told me to go talk to someone and make friends I have to pep myself up inside first. 

What are 2 things you would change about yourself if you could in 2016? Leave a comment below.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Have you been negative this year? 

Aspirers let’s take a moment to reflect on how 2016 was for you. Think about all the good you done and all the bad. Don’t lie and say “I’ve been a perfect little angel” because no one is perfect. I don’t mind going first and being honest. One thing I’ve noticed about six or seven months ago was catching myself was being negative. I didn’t realize it was problem until one day I came to the conclusion that things weren’t falling into place. Something was going on around me and I pinpointed it to my negative ways. I wasn’t being negative towards others (well I hope not) but when something was told to me by certain people I pointed out their flaws A LOT. I came to the conclusion to push out the negativity and not talk about it especially when the issues wasn’t towards me or what I was doing. I’ve noticed when I point out the negatives the feeling creeps back up again and the cycle continues. If there is a negative thought in my head I stop and pray for God to push it off of me. Guess what he pushed it off and I stopped thinking about it. This wasn’t an over night solution but soon after I started seeing results and success happening in my life because I saw things in a more positive light. We never know how negativity effects us until we decide to do something about it. 

Can you point out your bad ways? Are you open to changing it? Will you change it? Leave your comments below. I’m going to revisit this topic again because we all don’t need to bring negativity in the new year. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Believe or not to believe? 

WARNING IF YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA STOP READING THIS NOW! 

WARNING IF YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA STOP READING THIS NOW! 

WARNING IF YOU BELIEVE IN SANTA STOP READING THIS NOW! 

Ok I’ve warned you! 

Hi Aspirers! 

I hope you paid attention to my warning because I would hate to ruin Christmas for you. 

When I was child I could of been no more that 6 years old I asked my brother if Santa was real. I don’t know why I asked but I wondered how all these huge gifts would come out of no where every Christmas morning. I felt like something wasn’t right. My brother asked me question “what do you think?” My response was no and he said then he isn’t real. 

Instead of answering my question he made me decide. He didn’t want to ruin my childhood and stop believing. Just because you don’t believe in something doesn’t mean you have the right to take their beliefs away. 

If you believe in Santa keep believing and if you don’t it’s okay. Be Santa for someone else and give them something to believe in. I know who my Santa(s) are. 

I’m glad you read this post even though I said not too. Keep believing! 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: What is good timing?

Hi Aspirers! 

From my last post for the Loveless Series I spoke about pressure to be in a relationship or move forward in a relationship. In this post I want to talk about timing. I have one question to ask first. What is good timing? You want that guy to ask you to be his wife or girlfriend because you’ve waited so long for this. You want kids but you and your spouse feel like it’s not the right time because you both are just getting into your careers. Why can’t the timing be now? Why the excuses? Why not take a chance? Take that leap of faith to move forward in your life. Think of it as bettering yourself verses comparing the last mistakes. Out of no where today I started thinking about one guy from my past. He was set in his ways about the past and thinking I was going to do the same thing to him. His reason was he needed to make sure everything will be okay and it’s not going to turn out the same. Without giving me that chance he answered the question for himself and we ended because he couldn’t take the time with me and have faith that it will be different. Someone can show you all the signs of greatness but if you’re stuck, there will be no perfect time. You have to make the time. 

At the end of the day there isn’t a set time because every situatation is different. You’ll know when you’re ready and you’re not ready communicate with your partner instead of leaving them hanging. 

This was a short post but I hope everything I wrote was clear for you all. Stay tune for another post for the Loveless Series next Wednesday. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Loveless Series: Your perfect match

One thing I’m not afraid of is being myself especially in a relationship. When I started dating I came off a little shy but still myself because I was unsure of what I wanted so I was kind of becoming a door mat. My boyfriends or the guys I’ve dated thought they had me wrapped around their finger but little did they know they were slowly pushing me away. Soon they had to find someone else to wrap their fingers around.

Fast forward to now. I refuse to be a stepping mat because I finally understand myself and what I want. From each bad relationship or dating experience I took one thing I liked about the guy and decided that will be my perfect guy. No one is perfect but we all have that one who is perfect for just them. From the people you’ve dated in the past can you write down 5-10 traits you want in your perfect partner?

Here’s mine:

  1. Good dresser
  2. Relax mood
  3. Cuddler
  4. Cook
  5. Family oriented
  6. Goal getter
  7. Positive Attitude

Think about why those traits stuck out to you. Why is that important to have that in your life?

  1. I’m into fashion and I want a man that will look good beside me. He doesn’t have to be in a suit and tie but I would like him put together well.
  2. For my mood I can go up and down. It’ll be great to have someone that can chill me out.
  3. Cuddling I love attention and affection especially in the morning.
  4. I love to cook and I love to eat. It’ll be a nice change to have someone else in the kitchen.
  5. My family is spread out all over the place so it can be weird at time sharing and being open with family when they aren’t always there. Have someone that I can watch to help me become more open.
  6. There are two types of people a dreamer and a doer. I need someone that is willing to do things when I’m down and vice versa.
  7. No one wants to be down at time so it’s great to have someone that can find the sun even on a rainy day.

Now you know the traits you’re looking for and you know why now write down traits on what you can give to your perfect partner.

Here’s mine:

  1. Cook
  2. Cuddler
  3. Energy
  4. Open minded
  5. Direct
  6. Builder
  7. Foundation
  8. Empathetic

From the traits that you are willing to give write down why you want to give that.

Here’s mine:

  1. I think cooking for someone is special. I don’t do it for everyone
  2. I love to show affection
  3. I want to make sure he knows what ever is going on it’ll be fun and okay.
  4. When it comes to two people coming together it can be a struggle at times but I’m open to understand and try knew things.
  5. No one is a mind reader I will let you know
  6. I want to grow with someone even in the bad
  7. I want them to lean on me and I’ve lend a hand when needed
  8. I care about people’s feelings so much. I think twice before doing it.

Was it hard for you to pick out your traits? If so maybe it’s time to reflect on yourself. If you’re ready to be in a relationship with your perfect match you’ll know you’re ready because you would want to give your all. For greatness to work you have to be up for the challenge or it’ll be a problem before it starts. There will be bumps in the road and it’s up to both of you to give and take because your giving him part of you that he might not have to give back. It’s up to both of you to work together and be strong together. 

I hope you enjoy this week’s post. Don’t forget to like this post and subscribe to my blog if you haven’t already. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

 

Pressure On Him (Waiting)

Hi Aspirers!

I can say I’m little old fashion when it comes dating….well to an extent. I like to be courted. Sometimes I don’t allow a guy to court me because I’ve been single for so long I just generally do certain things myself. By me doing it myself leaving the guy comfortable for not letting him do certain things in the relationship. Back to what I prefer a guy to do for me:

  1. Ask me out first 
  2. Pick the location (take charge)
  3. Open doors
  4. Go out of his way to say hello
  5. Profess his affection about me
  6. Be a teddy bear 

Those aren’t hard things to want but now a days it feels like guys just want to go with the flow. I like to know what’s going on and if it’s worth it for me to stay. For the initial first date and a few after is the time we are getting to know each other’s habits. From the beginning we have to hook each other in and keep a tight grip. If I’m getting go with the flow….it’s not flowing right with me. That’s just my preference. You might like to wing dates day by day. 

When a guy plans things out that’s impressive for one I’m always the one planning things. I’m tired of that. When I see they are constantly going with the flow I have to plan. Why am I? Is it wrong to want a guy to go out of his way? I don’t want to always be the one initiating. I don’t want it to feel one sided. When I feel like things are becoming one side I start putting the pressure on him. Such as stepping up and asking where is this going. Since I’m the one always planning the guy is so use to it they feel like they are doing their part. Which they aren’t. That comes from getting to know their partner and change out of your comfort level. All it does is stresses me out. I feel like I’ve trained them to relax and I believe you should never be comfortable in a relationship (but that subject is for another day).

My questions for you to answer this week is:

Do you think women tend to expect a lot out of men? 

Is it wrong to want the man take charge? 

Is it okay for the woman just to go with the flow when they want to know where is the relationship going? 

From a guys prospective if you really like someone would you just go with the flow or would you be more forth coming?

Open for discussion in the comments or feel free to contact me personally with your answers at aspireoneself@gmail.com

Sincerely, Courtney Renee