Happy Valentine’s Day Aspirers!
This day is dedicated to all the lovers everywhere. Another day to show one another how much you truly care for them. For the single people out their like myself this day is dedicated to the love that we have for ourselves…well that’s what I’m doing today. While the lovers are busy loving I wanted to take the time to talk about relationship goals the realistic relationship goals. When most of us aren’t in a relationship we get into the habit of looking into people’s relationship for example a celebrity. We start pointing out the do’s and don’t and create goals for ourselves based off of what we see other people do. I’m not saying that is wrong but what those people are doing might not work for you. So why not focus on what you really want and go from there.
Right now in my dating life I’m focus was on finding a guy that I can grow and build with someday. I don’t want to come off pushy when getting to know someone but off the bat I want to know if he is on the same page. Such as asking him if a relationship is what he’s looking for at the moment. If he can’t answer my questions or feels overwhelmed with questions like where do you see yourself in 5 years or what’s your religious beliefs then you’re not the one for me.
From my dating experiences I came up with a few things I’m looking for in a guy which are:
- Communications!!!: I don’t want to have to pull teeth to get answers. Been there don’t that! When we are together I just want the words to just flow.
- Goal-oriented: A lot of people can start something but can they finish what they are doing and plan for the next step.
- Profess: Show me that you care and want me!
- Loves sports and be active: I’ve never came across a guy that doesn’t like sports and if one comes my way, turn around.
- Honesty: Tell me how he feels. No hiding is necessary.
- Family-oriented: Not only thinking of himself but others. More of we or us not I. Family as a priority.
- Religious beliefs: Being with someone with similar beliefs honestly makes the union between two people stronger.
- Motivator: Lift my spirts when I’m down because I’m not always going to be peppy.
I can’t expect all those things from a guy if I don’t have anything to give him in return. Here are a few things I’ll give him in return:
- Adaptable: I can adapt in pretty much any situation. Every guy is different and every relationship is too so if I expect the same I’ll get the same results.
- Empathic: I always think about us instead of just me.
- Planner: You need it done oh I got you with a calendar.
- Communication: It takes two to hold a conversation so when you speak I’ll answer.
- Active!: I love trying new things and open to learn.
- Creative mind: I’ll show you a new way to look at things because change is okay.
- Profess: Make you feel important in my life constantly.
- Coach and a team player: I’m open to help and lend a helping hand.
Thinking back I was so focus on what I want from him but I needed to show him what he’ll get in return. Actions speaks louder than words so if the person isn’t showing you how you want to be treated even after you explained what you wanted it might not be worth it. Speak up because if the other person don’t know then they won’t do it.
I remember I was dating this one guy years ago we would see each other almost everyday and we would text or call each other daily but one day I didn’t hear from him. Then another day past and I still didn’t hear from him but he decided to post something on Snapchat. I’m over here thinking he died but he’s out having a grand time with friends. Fast forward to when we finally spoke on the phone I asked him something like why didn’t you try to contact me? Were you not thinking of me? His response was no. That hurt so much. It was like everything dropped to the pit of my stomach. To know that I was worrying about him and his well-being and he wasn’t thinking about me at ALL. So of course we ended things.
Clearly we weren’t on the same path. If you’re dating someone and they want to get married one day but you don’t believe in marriage don’t waste their time. We sometimes run into butt hurt people that can’t get over their past relationships and thinks the same result will happen. Trust me the same result will happen if they keep thinking that. If you’re looking for a relationship don’t date someone that is just looking for fun or is confused on what they want they’re probably not ready to date.
The last guy I dated seemed like he wasn’t ready for anything. He didn’t show his true colors until we were dating for a little bit. I would ask him a question and I could tell he was uncomfortable. Like he had to make sure he was going to say the right thing. One night I asked him why haven’t you asked me to be your girlfriend? His response was I don’t know I could but I just haven’t. So why don’t you?, I said. Oh I don’t know, he said. You should already know him and I didn’t last.
Last time I check there isn’t a time machine. You don’t want your time wasted so don’t waste anyone else’s especially if both of you aren’t on the same path. When I’m truly feeling that person I just want to be in their presence even if we’re just sitting and watching TV or driving in silence because I’m comfortable with them. Wouldn’t that be amazing. Be with someone because you want to be with them and you’re truly comfortable giving yourself. Be comfortable with them but at the same time make your days feels like you are meeting them for the first time. I see people married looking tired of each other and I look tired looking at them because I don’t want to be like them. When two people fit perfectly together no matter the differences or disagreements they work it out. Someone once told me “that you need to find someone that will put up with your shit”. Every guy can’t handle me and the right one will day. Just make sure your stuff is clean. Don’t be messy.
Through all your experiences good or bad find what sticks out to you. The good things you remember are the things you want to constantly see in your future relationship. Like if you can pick a good trait from every person you dated and mold into your unique perfect person. Everyone has had hard times but everyone’s hard times are different and so will your turn out. So don’t base other people’s love story as your own. Create your own!
Sincerely, Courtney Renee
Hi Aspirers it’s New Year’s Eve can you believe it? Soon it’ll be goodbye 2016 and hello 2017 but before we say our goodbyes think about what is one thing you wish to bring into the new year and comment below.
Everything I’ve gone through this year the good and the bad was a learning lesson. This year I’ve noticed I’ve been praying more and more. I pray when I see an accident, a car stalled on the side of the road, when people are sick, when death happens, and I pray just because I want to and also when I need a good pick me up. Prayer will be coming into 2017 with me. I pray that 2017 will be an amazing year. I pray my success in life and my brand Aspire Oneself will continue to grow. I would love to continue with all my Aspirers because at the end of the day we are all aspiring to inspire.
Sincerely, Courtney Renee
As you been reading my posts for the “Loveless Series” I hope it’s an enjoyable series and your following along by answering the questions to yourself honestly. These are the questions I’ve had and are still answering for myself. We all can choose to continue the same path and decide not to try to progress or move forward and figure out ways to better yourself. The type of person I am I like to put somethings into my own hands like trying to find the right person. As I can see that’s not working out for me because I end up disappointing myself for
- Going after the wrong guy
- The wrong guy is going for me and I’m not focusing on the hints to leave him ALONE.
If that’s the case we need to dig deep down inside ourselves and say is okay he isn’t for me. Just like in my post “In Love with “Love”” I said “I figured out not to settle just because I’m lonely”. If that person isn’t for you and you know it say BYE. When we are focusing on the wrong things we’re missing out on the right.
After bad relationships and failed thought that could be relationships I start to wonder if love is for me. Is it meant for me? Does God have a bigger purpose? Do I have to sign up to go on a love reality show? I’m doubting myself because
- I know my worth
- I know the challenges I’ve face
- I’ve overcame them because I know every man out there isn’t the same
After knowing all of that insecurities start to set in and we all start to compare. Well I know I feel that way. Such as am I pretty enough? Looks are the first thing people notice. Do I not give a good first impression? I’m I too forceful for what I want? So many things continuously run through my mind because I want to give love and I want to receive it.
I’m going to end this post right here because next week the topic is “Preparing HIM for HER” which will help tie in what you’re reading now. Stay tune.
Here’s a new blog series I’ve started up called the “Loveless Series” every Wednesday. What a better way to talk about love then on hump day? Each week there will be different topics based off of what a lot of us have or is currently going through. I’m putting my experiences and feelings onto these pages. I’m making myself vulnerable because these are questions I’ve asked myself and I bet you or someone you know have too. What I want everyone to get out of this series is a better understanding of themselves and what they want from a relationship. Before you say anything like “hold up is Courtney Renee even in a relationship?”. I never said I was but the things I’ve learned from my pass keeps me going on what my future will bring. I figured out not to settle just because I was lonely. You want to compliment each other not discourage each other. We are constantly asking questions either to ourselves, to someone else, or to God (if you’re religious). Also in the series as you read there will be questions for you to take a second and reflect on yourself. I hope you enjoy and welcome to the “Loveless Series”.
In Love with “Love”
Growing up I loved watching movies about weddings and love stories. I dreamed that one day that will be me. I just knew it. I even created a wedding book when I was 15 years old. In the book I drew and designed my wedding dress, how I wanted my hair, colors, bridesmaids, and flower girl dresses. I looked up how much my dream wedding ring will cost ($30,000 from Tiffany’s). I feel like I’m worth it! I even picked out my future husband’s ring because I knew who ever he was going to be he was going to be worth it. The only thing missing from my book was HIM. My book can’t be complete. As time passed and boyfriends came and went I realized I haven’t met the one or when I think I met the one something goes wrong. When it happened multiple times I started thinking is it me.
Q: Have you thought about that? You’re the common denominator of these relationships so what am I doing wrong?
Years ago I told myself I wanted to be married, engaged, or in a series relationship by 25 well that came and went too. Around 22 something hit me and said “Courtney stop searching because all you’re doing is finding disappointment.” So I listened and stopped dating for a year to figure out what I wanted out of life and stopped comparing myself to others relationships. Relationships are hard and the people we are comparing ourselves to might not be perfect so we have to check ourselves. Before we can be right for someone else we have to right for ourselves.
Once the year was over and got back on the dating scene but like I said I didn’t go out looking if it happens it happens. Yes I want to get married but I’m not the type to say if I’m in a relationship for a year I’m expecting a ring for our anniversary. We have no idea where we’re going to be in a year. So how do you expect your other half to know they are really ready to put a ring on your finger in a year? For some love happens at first sight but for others it might take a little longer. One thing I’ve learned from that year of being by myself is growth and wanting to grow with someone. If that person isn’t willing to grow with you things shift in a relationship. From being by ourselves we’ll understand what we want to give to others based off what you want to get in return. It’s a give a take but try not to keep a tally.
Q: Do you give to get something in return? Are you always the one to be getting something verses giving? Are you always giving?
Just like the title of this post “In Love with “Love”” you have to be willing to give love to retrieve it and stop thinking of it as an idea and more like an action. For you to love “love” you have to love yourself.
Throughout your reading I hope you took the time and truly answered these questions. Share your answers below and don’t forget to like this post if you’re excited about “Loveless Series” every Wednesday and maybe throughout this series we’ll all find out more about ourselves and love will come our way.
Keep an eye out for next week’s topic “Opening My Heart for More”.
Sincerely, Courtney Renee
“Have patience. All things are difficult before they become easy.” -Saadi
Hey Aspires! I’m getting a little more personal with you all this week. You know I already get personal but it’s hard sometimes to share my feelings sometimes. What’s going on with me I feel like it’s better to write it down and get a little bit off my chest. Maybe someone reading this is going through something similar or know someone that is. If you know someone that is having a hard time be there for them, comfort them, and pray for them. If you’re going through something talk about it, pray about it, and don’t hide your feelings. If you’re not into prayer have hope that great things are coming their way.
This past week has been so emotional and it’s not over yet. When you see a family member especially your mom needing help and calling for help but you can’t help her! That is a feeling that can’t be explained or put into words. All you can do is hold her with all your might and tell her it’ll be okay but you don’t know if that’s true so you pray. You’ll do anything to make her better, you’ll do anything to fast forward time, you’ll do anything to just hear her say I love you. You’ll even want to switch places with her because she is your mom. She is MY MOM. You understand MY MOM! The one that would do anything for you to make sure you are safe. The one that worries even though you’re grown and can take care of yourself. The one that baby’s you when you’re sick or thinks you’re sick. The one that still asks if you have cash in your wallet and if not she’ll give her last $20 to you. That’s her. No matter if you’re 5 or 25 years old she’ll treat you just like her little girl. For me I’ve always been protective over her. I wouldn’t let even let people hug her when I was a kid so to see her go through this I felt like I had to protect her because that is what I do. She protects me and I will always protect her.
With prayer and patience things do get better. With prayer and patience you’ll get better. With continuous prayer and patience she WILL get better. All I ask from you is continuous prayer for MY MOM because she wants to get better.
Sincerely, Courtney Renee