valentine’s day

Being alone doesn’t make you lonely

Happy Valentines Day Aspirers,

Today some of you might be celebrating with your special loved ones either today or maybe later on in the week because it’s hard to stay up past 10:00 pm on a weekday. For myself, I will be spinning time with the one person that means the most to me which is MYSELF. I have no problem with that but for others like myself, some of your friends and family might wonder why are you spending the 6th, 7th, 8th year (who’s really counting anyway) alone on Valentine’s Day. A lot of questions might be asked and the big question on people’s minds  is “Are you lonely?”

Guess what that’s a great question. Anyone can be lonely. You could be in a committed relationship, married, or have kids and still feel lonely. The presence of someone else might not define the well-being of your mental state. You can be around someone every day but something feels like something is missing. There are people out in the world that never experienced being alone and still have unanswered questions about themselves because they’ve constantly been around people for so long they haven’t found confidence in their own skin.

For the longest, I was terrified to eat alone because I thought I would be judged of not having anyone to eat or laugh with at the table. I was so uncomfortable being seen by myself. It sounds weird saying that out loud but it was true. I just went to the movies alone for the first time last year and guess what it was AWESOME! I love being alone at home but enjoy my own company in public is on a whole other level. I even walk away from my girls when we are out to use the restroom by myself. Ladies don’t act like you all don’t go to the bathroom in groups especially the college ladies that are reading this right now.

It’s okay to have anxiety but the only way to get over something is to try it. If there’s a new movie out, a new restaurant to try, a new store in the mall that just opened up I can’t wait for other people to make room in their schedule sometimes. I have to enjoy it first and tell them about it later. Being able to find joy in your own company makes it easier to find joy while with others. We have to be honest with ourselves sometimes it’s not the other person that is causing the problem because we might be the problem. Don’t expect others to bring joy into your life if you can’t enjoy yourself.

Ask yourself this question, are you lonely?

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

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#RelationshipGoals

Happy Valentine’s Day Aspirers!

This day is dedicated to all the lovers everywhere. Another day to show one another how much you truly care for them. For the single people out their like myself this day is dedicated to the love that we have for ourselves…well that’s what I’m doing today. While the lovers are busy loving I wanted to take the time to talk about relationship goals the realistic relationship goals. When most of us aren’t in a relationship we get into the habit of looking into people’s relationship for example a celebrity. We start pointing out the do’s and don’t and create goals for ourselves based off of what we see other people do. I’m not saying that is wrong but what those people are doing might not work for you. So why not focus on what you really want and go from there.

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Right now in my dating life I’m focus was on finding a guy that I can grow and build with someday. I don’t want to come off pushy when getting to know someone but off the bat I want to know if he is on the same page. Such as asking him if a relationship is what he’s looking for at the moment. If he can’t answer my questions or feels overwhelmed with questions like where do you see yourself in 5 years or what’s your religious beliefs then you’re not the one for me.

From my dating experiences I came up with a few things I’m looking for in a guy which are:

  1. Communications!!!: I don’t want to have to pull teeth to get answers. Been there don’t that! When we are together I just want the words to just flow.
  2. Goal-oriented: A lot of people can start something but can they finish what they are doing and plan for the next step.
  3. Profess: Show me that you care and want me!
  4. Loves sports and be active: I’ve never came across a guy that doesn’t like sports and if one comes my way, turn around.
  5. Honesty: Tell me how he feels. No hiding is necessary.
  6. Family-oriented: Not only thinking of himself but others. More of we or us not I. Family as a priority.
  7. Religious beliefs: Being with someone with similar beliefs honestly makes the union between two people stronger.
  8. Motivator: Lift my spirts when I’m down because I’m not always going to be peppy.

I can’t expect all those things from a guy if I don’t have anything to give him in return. Here are a few things I’ll give him in return:

  1. Adaptable: I can adapt in pretty much any situation. Every guy is different and every relationship is too so if I expect the same I’ll get the same results.
  2. Empathic: I always think about us instead of just me.
  3. Planner: You need it done oh I got you with a calendar.
  4. Communication: It takes two to hold a conversation so when you speak I’ll answer.
  5. Active!: I love trying new things and open to learn.
  6. Creative mind: I’ll show you a new way to look at things because change is okay.
  7. Profess: Make you feel important in my life constantly.
  8. Coach and a team player: I’m open to help and lend a helping hand.

Thinking back I was so focus on what I want from him but I needed to show him what he’ll get in return. Actions speaks louder than words so if the person isn’t showing you how you want to be treated even after you explained what you wanted it might not be worth it. Speak up because if the other person don’t know then they won’t do it.

I remember I was dating this one guy years ago we would see each other almost everyday and we would text or call each other daily but one day I didn’t hear from him. Then another day past and I still didn’t hear from him but he decided to post something on Snapchat. I’m over here thinking he died but he’s out having a grand time with friends. Fast forward to when we finally spoke on the phone I asked him something like why didn’t you try to contact me? Were you not thinking of me? His response was no. That hurt so much. It was like everything dropped to the pit of my stomach. To know that I was worrying about him and his well-being and he wasn’t thinking about me at ALL. So of course we ended things.

Clearly we weren’t on the same path. If you’re dating someone and they want to get married one day but you don’t believe in marriage don’t waste their time. We sometimes run into butt hurt people that can’t get over their past relationships and thinks the same result will happen. Trust me the same result will happen if they keep thinking that. If you’re looking for a relationship don’t date someone that is just looking for fun or is confused on what they want they’re probably not ready to date.

The last guy I dated seemed like he wasn’t ready for anything. He didn’t show his true colors until we were dating for a little bit. I would ask him a question and I could tell he was uncomfortable. Like he had to make sure he was going to say the right thing. One night I asked him why haven’t you asked me to be your girlfriend? His response was I don’t know I could but I just haven’t. So why don’t you?, I said. Oh I don’t know, he said. You should already know him and I didn’t last.

Last time I check there isn’t a time machine. You don’t want your time wasted so don’t waste anyone else’s especially if both of you aren’t on the same path. When I’m truly feeling that person I just want to be in their presence even if we’re just sitting and watching TV or driving in silence because I’m comfortable with them. Wouldn’t that be amazing. Be with someone because you want to be with them and you’re truly comfortable giving yourself. Be comfortable with them but at the same time make yimg_6293our days feels like you are meeting them for the first time. I see people married looking tired of each other and I look tired looking at them because I don’t want to be like them. When two people fit perfectly together no matter the differences or disagreements they work it out. Someone once told me “that you need to find someone that will put up with your shit”. Every guy can’t handle me and the right one will day. Just make sure your stuff is clean. Don’t be messy.

Through all your experiences good or bad find what sticks out to you. The good things you remember are the things you want to constantly see in your future relationship. Like if you can pick a good trait from every person you dated and mold into your unique perfect person. Everyone has had hard times but everyone’s hard times are different and so will your turn out. So don’t base other people’s love story as your own. Create your own!

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

The Couple’s Playlist

Hi to all the Aspirers that are in love and preparing for Valentine’s Day next week with your special someone. There is one thing you need that will set the day and night off right. Do you know what that is? Music of course! You could prepare a playlist of your favorite hits so you two can go down memory lane or maybe a playlist to show the other person how much you care. If you don’t have any songs in mind don’t worry  I went ahead and made a playlist just for you to help set the mood. I hope you enjoy! 

Tank: Throwback Love

Beyoncé: Partition 

Silk: Freak Me

Boys 2 Men: I’ll Make Love To You

H-Town: Knockin’ The Boots

Beyoncé: Countdown

Marvin Gaye: Let’s Get It On

Trina feat. Keshia Cole: I Got A Thing For Ya

R. Kelly: Bump N’ Grind

Beyoncé: Dance For You 

John Legend: Stay With You

R. Kelly: Seems Like You’re Ready

R. Kelly: Feeling On Your Booty

Alina Barez and Galimatias: Make You Feel

Faith Evans: Soon As I Get Home

James Arthur: Say You Won’t Let Go

Jesse Powell: You

Minnie Riperton: Lovin’ You

Janet Jackson: That’s The Way Love Goes

Mariah Carey: Dreamlover 

(Sources: videos are all from YouTube)

Sincerely, Courtney Renee

Single On Valentine’s Day Ideas

Don’t let Valentine’s Day be the day you sit around and become bored because you’re single. Valentine’s Day is about love so why not treat yourself and show yourself how much you love yourself and maybe others too. 

Here are some single Valentine’s Day ideas: 

  1. Go to the movies.  
  2. Have and dinner and a movie night at your place. Create a menu and pop in a RedBox movie. I love a good horror movie. 
  3. Head to the spa. You’ve had a rough day or year so why not get pampered. 
  4. Go to the park and have a panic and read your favorite book.
  5. Hang out with other single friends and have fun like you normally would if it wasn’t Valentine’s Day. 
  6. Take a day trip some where. I love a good museum. 
  7. Spend time with family. That’s where you’ll find unconditional love. 
  8. Go the a pet store and play with some puppies. Animals doesn’t know what day it is. All they want is love and playtime. 
  9. Buy yourself a gift because you’ve  earned it!
  10. Go out and hit the town. Don’t stay home and waste your night away! Let the world know you look GOOD! 

These are just a few ideas but if you have more feel free to share in the comment section below. 

Sincerely, Courtney Renee 

GRWM: Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day Aspirers!

This week I’m bringing you another video. Since it’s Valentine’s Day why not do a video for it. This video is perfect if you’re single on Valentine’s Day or out with that special someone. I hope you enjoy it.

To subscribe to my YouTube channel click “YouTube Channel” in the menu bar above. The link will be above my other videos.

Sincerely, Courtney Renee